WHY ARE MASCULINE GAY MEN ATTRACTED TO FEMININE GAY MEN FREE
Together, two people in a romantic relationship could potentially help each other overcome their insecurities.Ī boy could probably free me of my insecurities rooted in my dynamic, bird-like, sing-song voice.
Like me, however, many gay men are not attracted to someone who firstly – and often only – identifies himself and his ideal partner as something intrinsically opposite to who they are. Most of the crushes we develop, especially those during our formative years of childhood, are on straight boys who make it obnoxiously and abundantly clear that we can never have them. Marking yourself as someone who is “straight-acting” and only seeking the same may seem like the perfect way to make yourself sound more appealing. It is for the gay men behind these words. But this message is not for these authors. Many writers have already done great work by pointing out how these words can be indicative of internalized misogyny or latent racism. There is a vicious, prejudiced cycle that traps many gay men and governs the ways in which we see each other as friends or partners, both in person and online. There have been countless voices saying similar things about the horribly discriminatory ways that gay men have been known to treat each other. I couldn’t date a straight guy, and I couldn’t pass for one it seemed that even gay guys didn’t want to date gay guys. I finally understood that my shame had been birthed from the unconscious knowledge that who I was just wasn’t good enough. Plastered upon most every profile were the campaign slogans of Denver gays: “straight acting, u be 2,” “looking for gym buddy, no fems,” “if ur a faggot it won’t work,” or my personal favorite, “be a man, i’m not looking for a bitch.” Suddenly, the shame I had felt in high school was manifest, and I could put all of those inky feelings into words. I was almost done with my first semester when I was fully exposed to the world of Grindr, an environment I instantly detested. I left high school with absolute certainty my horizons held something special and inviting, that when I reached college I would be immersed into some sort of expansive homosexual society that seemingly only thrived in urban environments. A shame that comes with knowing everything about your formative years will be atypical from what is presented to you by your peers, mass media, and your culture. A shame that comes with feeling unsafe in your own skin, school, and home. My childhood, it seems, was a grand lesson in shame.Ī shame that was, at the time, inexpressible. If growing up as a gay kid in rural America wasn’t difficult enough, puberty brought a new, intimidating wave of issues, like the strange feelings about my male classmates, both in my head and “down there.” But, as all gay teenagers will come to know, difficult situations are learning experiences from which we can grow.